My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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