If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize