I skipped work to stalk him.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
