nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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