God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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