Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
