Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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