what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
