Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
