highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
