I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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