my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
