pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
