They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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