I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
