I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
