Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
