I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
