No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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