He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
