I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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