Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize