In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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