After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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