I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
