It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
