But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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