just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
