just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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