Yo dont text me then not text me
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
