they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize