So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
