I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
