I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
