hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
