There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
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