Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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