i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
