Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
