How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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