My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
