Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
