Where are you?
In a non slutty way
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
