Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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