We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
