Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
it's great music for shaving your balls
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
