Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
