I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
