What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
