Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize