Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
