I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
