i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
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