This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
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