Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
