Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
