also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
