Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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