I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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