apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
