I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
The air was thick with penises
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
