Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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