Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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