been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
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