Have you finally orgasmed yet?
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
well you can't waste a boner
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
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