I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Someone signed my nipple.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
