Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
