So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Randomize