Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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