When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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