Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
