guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
