my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
