there was a trapeze. enough said
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Randomize
