You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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