I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
