You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Randomize
