I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
