all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
