My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I love you.
Bad choice
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