Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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