I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
