a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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