Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Randomize
