She is in my trunk
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
