i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
