The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
