Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
