just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
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