I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
