Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
