I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I have fence marks all over my body
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
