he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
