Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
