Christians are straight up FREAKS
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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