Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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