My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
