ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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