Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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