that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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