Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
I'm really busy with my period
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